Tags: #dough #notes-app [[0001. my old narcissistic frenemy, perfectionism]] | [[0003. kelly clarkson and singing your heart out]] This past weekend, someone who I hadn't seen in about 2 years, but who I still consider to be a good friend of mine, confessed something to me. They explained that there was a point in their life where they used to see me as a god. They used to idolize me. They thought I was perfect, and pedestalized me as the "blueprint" for how to live life, for who to become. Thankfully they also explained that because they are happier with where they are in life, I am no longer quite a god. Now, my pedestal has been lowered a bit to a more accessible concept of a "milestone". Becoming like me is now *merely* one of their milestones to accomplish in life. While I was incredibly flattered, I tried to explain that although it is good to have role models (many of them!), we should idolize no one. We should not elevate regular humans, celebrities, influencers, our friends, our role models, etc., to gods! We should not see them as the blueprint for how to live life. We shouldn't even see becoming more like them to be a milestone. This is a painful lesson I've learned through experience. When you put someone on a pedestal, they will inevitably disappoint you in a way that our narrative, mythic gods do not. Because our human idols are, well, human. Imperfect. Everyone is just figuring this life shit out. While we can do our best to learn from their actions, their mistakes, their lived experiences, their lives are not a blueprint for how to live our own. When you put someone on a pedestal, It hurts the other person, especially if they are someone you know in real life, or you are able to interact with. In pedestalizing them, you're placing this burden of expectation on them that no one could possibly live up to. Who could be a god? The way we conceptualize "god" (and I will caveat that I grew up in a Christian household and think mostly of the Abrahamic God), "god" is perfect. "God" is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent. Who could possibly be a god? When you look at a person like this, you are setting them up to fail, and setting yourself up for disappointment. Putting people on pedestals is lazy. What do we evenmean when we say we idolize someone? You come across this person. Either real life or online. Maybe you've interacted with them, maybe you haven't. Maybe they're a good friend, maybe they don't know you at all, maybe they're some nebulous acquaintance. Whoever they are, you get the feels. They're hella cool, they dress nice, they make you feel good, how can you not? Maybe you become enamored with them. Maybe they inspire you to be a better artist, a better friend, a better person. It's ok for them to inspire you. What's not ok is when you start to see them as perfect. You ignore their flaws. You want them to be everything. You want to be exactly like them. Two questions with "wanting to be exactly like them": 1. Do you even know who they are? It's hard to see the line between admiration and idolization, but I think one marker is objectification. When you make your image of them a god for yourself but you don't even know who they really are. You are merely conceptualizing them as some narrow perfect version of themselves to give yourself something to live for. 2. You can't be exactly like them. You can only be exactly like you. But do you even know who you are? The pedestalized person becomes an avenue for you to vicariously live your life through. A way to consume the idea of a life you wish you had, rather than living the life you want to have. A way to delay the act of becoming. You must become. --- Created: November 05, 2021 Last Modified: November 05, 2021