[[0008. how we record our histories, how we remember our memories]] | [[0010. my manhattan]] I recently attended a wake for someone I loved dearly. You know all that cliché shit everyone says about *people who radiate light* and *the good die young* and *God calling an angel home*? She was all that, and more. She had a multitude of friends and a loving family, and so in her circle I would definitely consider myself to be on the outskirts. I wouldn’t say we were particularly close, but she had a way of making me feel like we were, and I loved her for that.  I wrote this about her in my notes app. I didn’t have the courage to read it out loud at the wake. It's edited to remove names. **i won’t read this out loud** hi I’m ysabel for those of you that don’t know me, I am Kuya’s cousin. I'm the youngest cousin, at least on my dad’s side of the family.  so I see Ate as my cousin. being the youngest cousin, I'm in my 20s now while the majority of my cousins are in their 40s of 50s. I was in diapers while they were in high school, and as you can see, now they’re dealing with kids and mortgages while I’m living with my parents and wondering what I’m doing with my life. I’ve often felt out of place. I've often felt left behind, although now I think I see that they were just paving the way. Ate, as many ppl have said today, was friendly and gracious and truly kind, could light up a room, etc, etc, but she also had a remarkable talent for making ppl feel seen. It's strange to me, because she wasn't blood, but talking to her always made me feel like I'm right where I belong. Maybe more so than most of my blood relatives have ever made me feel. It was the little things. asking me what’s new in my life. asking me what’s on my mind about the future. texting me on my birthday. one of our more recent conversations was about the unique difficulties of growing up as a young woman in this age, dealing with social media, issues with self image, self esteem, and I know she was thinking about how she could learn from my struggles to be a better mom to her daughter. so what I have to say to her daughter, and honestly all my other nephews and nieces, is that even if sometimes you dont feel seen, or that you’re figuring out your place, we, the family, are here for you, and you are right where you belong.  Ate, as short as it was, I'm so grateful to have known you. I'm glad you can rest now. --- Created: June 7, 2022 Last Modified: June 7, 2022