Tags: #media #marriage #movies #strategic-optimism Maybe the start of a series in which I read a bunch of novels and watch a bunch of films and mine them for what I value in love and marriage. I recently watched Everything Everywhere All at Once twice. First time in theaters with my parents and just bawled. Second time at home with The Fiancé and had a beautiful conversation about what it all means. It is an insane feverdream that is centered on Evelyn, a middle aged Chinese immigrant who owns a laundromat that's being investigated by the IRS, and is the poster child for a dream deferred, regrets about paths not taken. The film explores all those paths not taken that could have been taken, using the multiverse as a vehicle. Also in the picture -- Waymond, her kind, easygoing husband, the beating heart of the movie, and Joy, her stubborn, queer daughter, whose multiverse ego's nihilism threatens the entire multiverse. Yet, despite the absurdities, the black hole Everything Bagel, the hot dog fingers, the anal plug IRS trophies (some of which I absolutely could have done without), I think the film boils down to a handful of earnest sentiments that resonated with me. What does it all mean? I think of two quotes. > Choosing to see the good side of things is not naive, it is strategic and necessary. We have to be kind, especially when we don’t know what’s going on. > In another life I would have enjoyed doing laundry and taxes with you." For me it's about love. How we love one another and are loved in return. How we express that love. How the ways we express our love for one another can cause our loved ones terrible pain. It's about coming to terms with the fact that you're a tiny speck in an unfathomable universe. And you may feel that this means nothing matters, but it means you have an infinite amount of things to choose to matter and a canvas to make them matter. It’s about depression. It's about struggling with nihilism and nothing meaning anything. It's about what people in pain are capable of doing when desperate. It's about all the lives we could have lived, but doing your best to live this one. Sometimes we feel the pangs of a life unlived, a path not taken. But you took your path. You can only take one. So look forward and proceed with love and kindness. Don't feed resentment and regret. Appreciate the beauty of the mundanities in life. After watching it with the Fiancé we had a long talk - about understanding each other, about confidence and what breaks it, what it means to be husband and wife, what our responsibilities are to each other, do we want kids, why, what would we teach them. One takeaway I want to note because it was beautiful. I was talking about feeling like Sisyphus pushing 3 boulders and how pushing the boulders and the prospect of pushing the boulders every day for the next several decades is both exhausting and terrifying... And he said but do you enjoy pushing the boulders with me? Don’t we enjoy pushing the boulders together? It made me think of Camus, who I've actually never read but seen quoted. *You must imagine Sisyphus happy*. Because choosing to see the good side of things is strategic and necessary. The answer is yes. --- Created: February 22, 2023 Last Modified: November 27, 2023