![[Soft Black Home - TeamLab Planets.jpg]] Wrote this a while back, but wanted to edit it and put it here. I've always felt weirdly disconnected from my body. I often forget that parts of it exist, or that I take up physical space at all. Like sometimes when I shower I'll think "oh weird, forgot I had a belly button", or when I pass by a mirror I am startled because I forgot I had a body, or when I get into a car I'll bangmy head because I forgot that my body had to bend to fit through the door. In college, I'd have to stroll for my sorority. I had no concept of how to contort myself to emulate the dance moves I was watching, even after practicing for hours. It never *clicked* for me. I'd always been insecure about that. (But to be fair to myself, I'd never been taught) The best way I can explain it is that I live in my mind. I am a mind. I feel like my sense of existence, or the fact that I am a being who exists, is in my mind, and the body is just all these annoying appendages I have to control and use. But then my mind is still acutely aware of the disconnect with the body and is anxious about it. It's worse than usual now becuase I spend most of my day working at a computer in the same room I sleep in, with little to break it up besides the occasional walk. Even when I talk to my boyfriend it's on a screen. I once thought everyone was like this (body as a nebulous extension of the mind) but I have met many people who seem to live in their body and have little sense of the mind. When I used to lift, I'd say that when lifting my sense of existence was 30% mind 70% body. And under certain influences (say, at a rave), sometimes it felt 100% body and an extra 100% heart. I want to make more effort to reconnect with my body. Give myself more opportunities to live in the physical world. ---- Created: October 22, 2020 Last Modified: July 30, 2021