Tags: #advice-to-my-younger-self I met my current boyfriend in college, we were very young, and at the time of writing this we've been dating for four years. I recently was asked how to continue to find yourself while in a relationship. I'll admit I don't have great advice about that because I think my One True Burden in life is going to be the process of finding and understanding and creating myself, it's more like "how to continue being in a relationship while finding yourself". but one thing we did struggle with was insecurities about each other's social lives (different perceived social status) and academic and career path (different levels of having everything figured out) 1) don't see your partner/lover/person thing as competition (which I have struggled with in the past, although less now) 2) read number 1 3) read number 2 4) part of number 1 is learning to not see everyone as competition aka resisting the urge to compare your journey with everyone else's in the first place. recognize that everyone will be at varying states of having things figured out throughout all of your lives. you will figure things out. (i'll admit there are some people who actually do need to get their shit together and make a concerted effort to figure things out, but I don't have great advice for ya'll because I don't spend much time in that position, and it didn't really apply to the person I was speaking to either either) 5) Enjoying now. Enjoying wherever you are now. College is a wonderful period of your life in which it's not really frowned upon or weird to be borderline unhealthily codependent with your partner and friends (there's a fine balance here). BORDERLINE. so like, sleeping over in your friends apartment incessantly, going to each other's classes because you don't want to be separate. spending 99% of your time with loved person and/or friends. it's a fun period of your life that you outgrow, so what I'd tell her and previous me is to just...enjoy that. because american adult life is sooooo different and inhospitable to that type of communal living. if you are the type of person who's going to figure out their shit anyway, please just enjoy whatever period of life you're in, enjoy having less responsibillities, enjoy __just having fun__. disclaimer: this does not apply to abusive relationships Created: February 10, 2021 Last Modified: July 27, 2021