# The Art of Gathering Tags: #literature ## Metadata * Author: [Priya Parker](https://www.amazon.comundefined) * ASIN: B07637KVXL * ISBN: 1594634939 * Reference: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07637KVXL * [Kindle link](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL) ## Highlights Gathering—the conscious bringing together of people for a reason—shapes the way we think, feel, and make sense of our world. — location: [40](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=40) ^ref-47612 --- I strive to help people experience a sense of belonging. This probably has something to do with the fact that I have spent my own life trying to figure out where and to whom I belong. — location: [69](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=69) ^ref-22940 --- It is for anyone who has ever wondered how to take an ordinary moment with others and make it unforgettable—and meaningful. — location: [94](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=94) ^ref-45400 --- Gatherings crackle and flourish when real thought goes into them, when (often invisible) structure is baked into them, and when a host has the curiosity, willingness, and generosity of spirit to try. — location: [112](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=112) ^ref-56431 --- When you skip asking yourself what the purpose of your birthday party is in this specific year, for where you are at this present moment in your life, for example, you forsake an opportunity for your gathering to be a source of growth, support, guidance, and inspiration tailored to the time in which you and others find yourselves. — location: [209](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=209) ^ref-16113 --- Many of the ritualized gatherings in our more intimate spheres—weddings, bar mitzvahs, graduation ceremonies—have been repeated over time such that we become emotionally attached to the form long after it accurately reflects the values or belief systems of the people participating in it. — location: [228](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=228) ^ref-31062 --- people begin to attach meaning not just to the meeting’s purpose but also to the meeting’s form. — location: [246](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=246) ^ref-23774 --- This attachment can be powerful when the form matches the purpose and need of the group. But as with the case of the courtroom, when the need begins to shift and the format is solving for an outdated purpose, we can hold on to the forms of our gatherings to the detriment of our needs. — location: [249](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=249) ^ref-50061 --- Specificity sharpens the gathering because people can see themselves in it. — location: [343](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=343) ^ref-65348 --- Ichi-go ichi-e. The master told me it roughly translates to “one meeting, one moment in your life that will never happen again.” She explained further: “We could meet again, but you have to praise this moment because in one year, we’ll have a new experience, and we will be different people and will be bringing new experiences with us, because we are also changed.” — location: [349](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=349) ^ref-59791 --- Why is this gathering different from all my other gatherings? Why is it different from other people’s gatherings of the same general type? What is this that other gatherings aren’t? — location: [354](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=354) ^ref-9109 --- Stewart and Tsao’s big idea is that every meeting should be organized around a “desired outcome.” When a meeting is not designed in that way, they found, it ends up being defined by process. For example, a meeting to discuss the quarter’s results is a meeting organized around process. — location: [412](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=412) ^ref-51689 --- To gather in the way I was guiding her toward was to commit to some big something. “Who am I to gather in this way?” people often ask themselves. “Who am I to impose my ideas on other people? — location: [486](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=486) ^ref-26790 --- This modesty is related to a desire not to seem like you care too much—a desire to project the appearance of being chill, cool, and relaxed about your gathering. Gathering well isn’t a chill activity. — location: [489](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=489) ^ref-8512 --- The desire to keep doors open—to not offend, to maintain a future opportunity—is a threat to gathering with a purpose. — location: [557](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=557) ^ref-48434 --- You will have begun to gather with purpose when you learn to exclude with purpose. When you learn to close doors. — location: [560](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=560) ^ref-30704 --- When I talk about generous exclusion, I am speaking of ways of bounding a gathering that allow the diversity in it to be heightened and sharpened, rather than diluted in a hodgepodge of people. — location: [695](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=695) ^ref-3215 --- The design of social space, physical space, and emotional space affects how people engage with ideas, content, and each other. — location: [831](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=831) ^ref-6059 --- “CHILL” IS SELFISHNESS DISGUISED AS KINDNESS — location: [1006](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1006) ^ref-21044 --- “Chill” is the idea that it’s better to be relaxed and low-key, better not to care, better not to make a big deal. — location: [1034](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1034) ^ref-17678 --- It isn’t enough just to set a purpose, direction, and ground rules. All these things require enforcement. — location: [1079](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1079) ^ref-38012 --- That is protecting your guests: anticipating and intercepting people’s tendencies when they’re not considering the betterment of the whole of the group or the experience. — location: [1191](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1191) ^ref-64145 --- It is in the obsession with knowing how events will play out that we often make them go poorly for the guest, for the sake of calming ourselves. — location: [1388](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1388) ^ref-41946 --- It didn’t concern me where I had to be next. Because I decided to be HERE. — location: [1843](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1843) ^ref-62567 --- In a world of infinite choices, choosing one thing is the revolutionary act. Imposing that restriction is actually liberating. — location: [1844](kindle://book?action=open&asin=B07637KVXL&location=1844) ^ref-63031 ---