tags: #literature time to finally sit down and read introspect by visakan v 0.2 Light the heart-beacon, illuminate the fog how to navigate the fog v touches on how the fog is what's in the way. what's clouding your perception. unlikely to totally dissipate it, but one can learn how to navigate it. - Brain fog - find the root cause - Ugh fields - those blind spots that just make you go ughhhhhhh and you just avoid - this is your body protecting you from discomfort - Cultural fog - social bloatware passed to you by your culture your society your parents - spiritual fog - no god, that postwar capitalist slog...everything for likes and money, terrible aesthetics, no soul. have we given up on having a soul? "a tyranny of solemnity chokes the playful joy out of existence" - assemble all your favorite art (anything that has ever moved you) and keep it close to your heart. NOURISH YOUR SPIRIT 0.3 a warning - trust your gut instinct act 1. the call to adventure - random, but i like the aesthetic of tarot cards - call to adventure begins with sense of yearning - life could be a glorious adventure 1.1 Face the desire for personal sovereignty - struggle w desire for sovereignty - Guilt and shame about having the desire for sovereignty at all - youdeserve to have your needs met do: - sit w/ question - what do I want? - do little experiments - I will sometimes make bad calls. but I have learned from bitter experience that it's better to occasionally make bad calls than to live in chronic fear and anxiety of the possibility of making bad calls— while not making any good ones. 1.2 execute the jailbreak - life and all the shit that comes with it - school, work, taxes, driving - can feel like jail - don't catastrophize about this - have the best reaction you can have so you can work toward better options - don't imprison yourself. set aside time for play do: - articulate your challenges as much as possible - celebrate little wins - reframe things in a healthy way 1.3 Refusal of the call: Face your inner conflict - listen to all the parts of you, understand their priorities, be your safe space - know that there is wisdom in resistance. listen to resistance. understand resistance. you don't have to naively barrel through your discomfort necessarily. - v mentions how some people beat themselves up at the threshold, wavering bc they're not sure if they should take the leap, if this is the life for them -- you struggle with this. but it's super binary. your only options aren't stay enclosed in your familial bubble forever OR move away across the planet. take baby steps and have mini-adventures. do: - cultivate vibes you like - through media, or whatever else - be kind to yourself, no self flagleattion - earn your own respect act ii - the sword and the thread - the hard part...how to manage your psychology 2.1 Experiment with stream-of-consciousness journaling - I enjoy v's take on journaling and seeing how your mind works. I am a journaler, but I always felt like I wasn't one because I would journal 3 weeks straight or even 3 months straight and then radio silence for a year and then write something every other month, but fuck it because I have written my thoughts and feelings in journals, apps, post it notes, for all 2 and a half decades of my life, and I really understand what he says about how it allows me to appreciate my observations on human reality in a way that you cannot get from any single source, and how my relationship with my writing changes over time. It's like looking into the past and connecting multiple past states togehter and then to my current state, and in my current realizing...*oh, that makes sense* or *fuck why did I do that* despite understanding exactly why I did that. most of all it has helped and continues to help me develop clarity about my perspective, and I'll admit this is still foggy/cloudy, but one day, one note at a time, it's helping me act with intention. - I recently read a wonderful essay by Joan Didion which I should really go find the name of and link here, at some point, about how journaling, ultimately, is about *keeping in touch* with all those past versions of you. - What I have struggled with in the past here is taking it way too seriously, trying to journal every day/week/month on a regular cadence and feeling burdened and overwhelmed by trying to wrap it up neatlyh in a nice little packaged narrative - and life isn't like that. so fuck it, I'm playful, sometimes I won't write for months, sometimes I'll write incessantly 10 days straight, because it's about acting with intention, keeping in touch with the versions of me that I sought to capture, memorialize, write down. and having fun. - It does become chaotic. I don't think I'm quite at the point where I'm overwhelmed by this, but I am starting to feel it, starting to wonder how to index and search everything so I can find what its helpful, interesting, and relevant. 2.2 Learn storytelling to encourage yourself - "how can I use stories to move myself?" - "you are the chief storyteller of your life" - you get to decide what is meaningful, beautiful, and good - move yourself to tears with the force of your own story - find what resonates with you in your story, in other stories, focus on that and bring more of it into your life. this allows to tunei n with what you're feeling - I've read V talk about the power of looking at stories/novels/films/music/whatever that you enjoy (or even love), and then pinpointing what it is you enjoy about them, to understand what resonates with you. I do think this is a very powerful tool, and I noticed that our coach in Highrise has had us do stuff similar. It's about figuring out what makes your heart sing. - important for me - find a balance of complexity when figuring out your story, I have extremes - sometimes try to fit myself into the box of a simple straightforward narrative, sometimes when I think about all the complexities and facets at once I get overwhelmed do: - make lists of your favorite stories - write down what resonates with you about each - what your respect and admire about the characters, what you are frustrated and annoyed by, etc ,etc - write out your life story - Interested in playing with this idea of a book (or play) where all the characters are different versions of me. Or Tiktok. I think this would be a apowerful learning tool. Learn about me, learn that I can be all those things, itnegrated or not. - ask other people about their stories 2.3 Experiment with frames - you get to choose what you want to focus on - school is a rigid frame - comstrained, one right way to do things, graded on bell curve, atomized individuals who are your competitors. no complexity, little collaboration. it can be soul crushing - interestingly enough for me, i thrived in school in that rigid frame. for me it was soul crushing to leave school and realize how poorly equipped i was to cope/deal with the beautiful complexities of life. but now although it still can terrify me, i guess it's freeing - genius hits a target no one else can see - i find myself resistant to v's terminology of framing here. i find it confusing. what does it really mean? ways of thinking, points of view, perspective? what does it mean to experiment with different ones? is it just about broadening the mind and trying new things to get more/different perspectives? do: - experiment with different media, travel, ask questions - make tiny changes to see how it feels - be considerate of others. some element of rejection or negative responses from others may be unavoidable, but we shouldn't go out of our way to upset them 2.4 unlearn catastrophizing - learn project management unlearn catastrophizing - write down exactly what is overwhelming you. once you pinpoint you can take steps to address - don't bully ppl thinking it's protecting them - gentle, persistent curiosity. keep asking questions (patiently!!!) of yourself and others to get to the root. - the barrier to change is not too little caring: it is too much complexity. <- HOLY FKING SHITT so true. everything- world hunger, environment, poverty, of course we care about these things. but they're so goddamn complex, no one can imagine trying to solve them - i feel i have inherited catastrophizing from my dad - incessant, haunting feel of dread. i think he has this despite all he's accomplished in life and his relative comfort. he fears poverty, dreads aging. he sees all the ways they will come for him, and forgets to live. i must be different. do: - breathe - pick out small specific things to focus on - write down precisely what it is you're worried about learn project management p 89 - my enemy #1!!! - visa talks about project management as enabling collaboration across states - first with you, past present and future you, optimistically excited you and tired just wants it over with you, etc, then you and others - i struggle with this so hard - what v says about how he handled homework as an adolescent resonates with me - sometimes it gets done immediately, often times i waited until the last minute and would pull all nighters, copy off others, in the end i generally got excellent grades (or good enough grades once i got to college) with but it came with lots of stress and anxiety for a large portion of my life - i still struggle with this at work today, i like to think it's to a lesser extent though, because more is at stake (my livelihood, money, health, stability, you know- adult responsibilities), as well as having a better routine, more maturity, less distractions than i had in school, BUT it is definitely still a struggle. i take too long to make decisions, am not as efficient as others. i still do great work, get great performance reviews, but it still comes with lots of stress and anxiety and sometimes i feel like i'm barely functioning, just waiting for the day to come where i may have bit off more than i could chew. i live every day with the fear that a new project (whether work, or personal, like running a household or raising kids) will come along and I will get crushed by my bad forrm. - i have to learn project management - v mentions that the reason why games are so compelling is because they handle the project management for you. there's a clear purpose, it's broken up into quests with well-defined tasks and rewards, and is sequenced for you. he also mentions that when we've kinda of bastardized gamification (here I think of habit tracking software and other things aimed at helping us with project management) by taking its veneer - streaks, points, xp- when what's really compelling about games is the system- the structure - the quests. i found this to be quite intriguing- and true. be aware - always start with the smallest thing possible that will give you a win - sometimes when it gets very granular it starts to feel impossible and you start catastrophizing. go back to section on unlearning catastrophizing. believe that what you're doing is possible and worthwhile - slight (or maybe not slight 🤣) bias for action. don't study project management or any of that nonsense. just work on what you want to. do - smart small - zoom out sometimes - give yourself time to THINK. seriously, set time for this MVP model of personal development (i am v familiar with this from working in product) - don't waste time accumulating more info than necessary to take action - get to a peak as quickly as possible. give yourself quick small wins - change your identity how to not stop - know why you're doing something 2.5 take baby steps - doing small little things is simple pleasure do - todo list - i do keep one of these, but i'm realizing i fall into the trap of making something large a single task, getting daunted by it, procrastinating on it. even - create tasks for x project would be a good task to start with. - celebrate your wins