Tags: #for-when-we-have-kids #on-friendship #dough In 2021 I remember a conversation between my dad and one of my kuyas. My kuya had explained to my dad that, after a complicated family drama involving the death of a patriarch and politically charged arguments as a proxy for sibling rivalry, he was distancing himself from our family because he felt he was not wanted. My dad, astonished, said "what do you mean? You are wanted. Kailangan pa bang sabihin?" (Does that even need to be said?) His meaning was clear to us. You are family. You are wanted and it doesn’t need to be said. I think families like mine can and should say the things they mean more often. Some sentiments should be expressed and reaffirmed, frequently. If you want someone around tell them. If you care about someone tell them. If you love someone tell them. Why do we think that important things don't need to be said because we are family, or old friends? Why do we think that we don't need to express love because we have loved one another for so long? Why do the years of familiarity erode all our earnestness and compassion until we're cold islands, who never say anything we mean, and say many things we don't? We tease aggressively, cheat at games, call one another sore losers, say "What's wrong with you?" Rarely malicious and generally in jest. But lack of malicious intent does not preclude responsibility for malicious impact, and we'd do well to remember it. Words cut. I say this mostly as advice to myself, because I see the capacity in me to hurt. Maybe I learned it from my family. I make mean, cutting remarks. I am callous. I say “what’s wrong with you?” And I don’t want to do that to my future family, or anyone that I love. I never want them to feel unheard. Created: 2024-04-04 Last Modified: 2024-04-04