What Didion calls vortexes that remind you of what you lost - these little details, sceneries, places, those moments that are like minefields. A street she used to drive on. A hotel she stayed at with her husband. Her daughter's wedding day. I imagine all the things that could one day be my vortexes if I had to be without him. Grand Central. A funny meme. I find myself panicking that one if us will inevitably have to bury the other. I nag him about his vegetables, his diet, eating healthy, working out. If I do this maybe he will live forever. Maybe I won’t have to bury him. Magical thinking. [[my year of magical thinking]]